Rom 9:17 For the Scriptures say that God told Pharaoh, "I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying My power in you and to spread My fame throughout the earth." Rom 9:18 So you see, God chooses to show mercy to some, and He chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen.
Is there a verse that says God talked with Pharaoh? The answer is no, not directly. He did speak through Moses and Aaron. God used Moses to relay what was being required of Pharaoh. The Egyptian Pharaohs were the opposite of what God wanted. They claimed to be a god and enslaved the Israelites for 400 years. God sent warnings through Moses to let them go and he did not. Finally, God hardened Pharaoh’s heart. Was it fair to hold Pharaoh because of what he did after his heart was hardened? He could have handled it like Sodom and Gomora. Listen to this from Got Question .org (Listen)
Rom 9:19 Well then, you might say, "Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven't they simply done what He makes them do?"
Life Application New Testament Commentary:
9:19 Paul probably had countless discussions with fellow Jews about these issues. So he can anticipate their questions. If God simply chooses those on whom he will have mercy and those whom he will harden, why does God blame people for not listening? Haven’t they simply done what he made them do? Occasionally these questions are asked by those who are genuinely seeking to understand God and his ways with people. Usually, however, they are used to excuse certain behavior—“It’s not my fault, God; it’s your fault!” In either case, as Paul explains, the answer is the same. We ourselves are to blame because we are guilty of trying to reject or resist God.
Rom 9:20 No, don't say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the One who created it, "Why have you made me like this?"
Isa_29:16 Isa_45:9; Both these verses point out that we are not God he us, He is the potter and we are clay.
joni eareckson tada is an example of what God can do when the clay is not what you would expect. This is her web site see what you think. http://www.joniandfriends.org/
Rom 9:21 When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn't He have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? Rom 9:22 In the same way, even though God has the right to show His anger and His power, He is very patient with those on whom His anger falls, who are destined for destruction.
(Rom_1:18) 18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth [a]in unrighteousness (2Pe_3:9) 9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.
God is being patient for those unbelievers to turn their lives around.